This is something I wrote recently. It took me about 30 minutes to type it out and believe it or not is more of a freestyle than anything else but it can be read as a poem. This is and was my life. I am honored that my best friend thinks it’s “perfect” and my family loves it. It’s dedicated to the same people who love it. And I allow the 1000+ readers here to view it because to understand it means to understand I never regretted a single moment of my life. And neither should any of you. Take each experience and learn from it. But what would you do… if you could turn back time?
If I could turn back time I’d draw a firm black line between me and you
Draw up this plan and execute it
I’d go back an warn myself of the days that came
And make sure I never lost myself for a taste of fame
I’d travel to 1990, to the month of April
Find my Grandfather and put a new kidney on the operating table
Make sure the doctors finished the job right
And then make my way to a real Mike Tyson fight
A few years later I’d find my Dad
and tell him when my Mom leaves him not to get so mad
Tell him that everything that happens is here for a reason
And tell him that my love will never leave him
Let him know he will always be my pops
Even if someday out of anger I wish he was not
Oh man if I could turn back time…
If I could turn back time
I’d goto 1996
I’d take school serious and not sweat the social mix
I’d hand in my all my homework on time
And stop fucking around till all hours of the night
I’d drop that whole petty Bridgeport vibe
And make it into the Freshman class of Hopkins High
I’d set myself up for the future
And tell myself to stay home the night I met Veruca
Oh… If I could turn back time!
And I don’t know if everything rhymes
But everything I say bounces off like a dime
And it’s no crime to reflect
As long as I know in my heart these are not regrets
So I’m allowed to flow and fuck with a clock
Understand that time is gone and set like a rock
But ohh… If I could turn back time.
If I could turn back time I’d give a lot of hugs
To my best friend Matt before he started doing drugs
I’d never leave his side even for a minute
And help him make the choice to live a life worth living
Tell him no matter what goes down I would forgive him
And in case he didn’t know it was true
I’d end every conversation like a brother with an I love you
I’d switch the needle for a pen
And tell him he’s got a gift like the kid from the Sixth Sense
Tell him to scribe his life nice and early
So later on he can sell his words for a pretty penny
Oh if I could turn back time.
If I could go back to October 2002
To a night at a casino where I thought all my dreams came true
I’d tell myself that falling in love is over rated
Warn myself that the love I give won’t be reciprocated
Tell myself to chill and have a drink
Sit down with myself, chill the fuck out and think
I’d take all the money and give it back to my mom
I’d switch a Coach bag for a Coach time bomb
Tell myself not to fall in love so hard
Scream at myself in the street “She doesn’t love you, you retard!”
“Don’t be like Greg and make a girl up in your head”
Maybe I’d just pull the trigger, call me Jay Farming-dead
Let things go and wish her the best
Save myself the heartache of September the 27th
Keep 4 years to myself for free
And never once have to go on a shopbop shopping spree
If I could rewind it all maybe I wouldn’t have left her first…
Maybe that was the point where it all took a turn for the worse?
But then again if I could go back I’d find the Alero with her in it
and tell Greg not to pull a knife on a kid who didn’t deserve it
If I could go back I’d blow up my spot so hard
I’d wait in that parking lot and rip myself out of a broken car
I’d listen to Matt when he told me she’s something I don’t need
And never forget with Xtina, she also got on her knees
I’d sit myself down and beg myself to understand please
Don’t chase something that you can’t have, or need.
Oh if I could turn back time
If I could turn back the hands of the clock
I’d tell myself to call Nate Roshkind every minute on the dot
Make sure he never departed ways
And I’d make sure the paramedics were at his place
The second he dropped and fell on his face
I would try to go back before all of that
Give him enough money to move out of the Brass
If I could turn it back and save his life
I’d also find the chances to spend more time
Not come up with excuses about why
More like answer him with a “Sure! What time?!”
Make real money with a dude I really loved
Tell him its better to look at me then look from above
Tell him its OK to marry Nana and be my grand-dad
And tell him I loved him like a brother that night he was real sad.
If I could fucking turn back time.
If I could turn it all back I’d always be a kid
I’d never fuck with the way my family is, god forbid
Well maybe I’d take Randy and tell him the truth
Spacial is an invented term so don’t say “Rat, Bat, and Tooth”
I’d tell my little bro that he’s gotta wise up
Or else he would regret the whole night with the first girl he ever fucks
Tell him when he hits 17 he’ll have mad hair like a panda
And I’d make sure he gets better twang than Amanda
I’d tell him to tell Aunt Meryle and Mom to chill
And let him know Ben Bronz doesn’t mean he’s mentally ill
I’d tell him to fake a stomach ache
So he wouldn’t have to bitch and complain about the school at a later date
Teach him that some things are impossible to understand
But science doesn’t replace God or make a man
Tell him to explore the world and make a thousand friends
A stop fucking worrying about an untimely universal end
If I could turn back time
And if I could turn it all back I don’t think I would
I’d stand and watch it all go down as it should
I’d understand that Grandpa had to rest is peace for us
Understand that self education is a plus
Remember that Matt Tucci will always be my brother
And our time apart was time spent moving towards each other
Understand that Catherine was supposed to happen to me
I had to learn she’s not the one person who won’t ever forget me
Be at peace that Nate passed on to the next life
And name my first boy after him when I have a child with my wife
Remember that these things were supposed to happen as they did
And when I turn back time… I never would instead.
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